my other blog is a brain

The other day I found a folded piece of paper on my doorstep. It was soggy from all the rain, so I brought it inside to dry off. I figured it was something from our landlord or one of the neighbors. It turned out to be related to detention, and I assume it came from the neighbor boy (there is a family of Sherpas living above us).

No teacher ever sentenced me to detention, in fact, I don’t remember ever being directly threatened with the possibility of serving detention. Just from the faculty’s expectations, it sounds like a lonely and boring place.

DETENTION EXPECTATIONS

The detention room is in the old faculty cafeteria unless otherwise specified. Enter through the east hall entrance of the cafeteria by the back stairs. (No map provided. I guess the same kids that let their dogs eat their homework are expected to navigate themselves to a place they don’t want to go in a building they despise without any assistance.)

1. Don’t forget to go and be sure to show up on time! Detention starts at 3:05 and is about 1/2 hour long until 3:30. Check in with the monitor prior to 3:05 to be counted on time. If you show up late you will not be admitted and/or if you forget you will be assigned two detentions. If you do not do detentions you can be suspended. If there is an unexpected conflict you must see Mrs. BLANK or Mr. BLANK prior to3:00 on the day you are to serve detention to reschedule. (There’s more fine print for detention than there is for credit card rewards. Sheesh! Just assign the little brat a book report. Do they still do those?)

2. No communication or electronic devices. You may not talk, write notes, or text other students either inside or outside the detention room. No music, headphones, text messaging, etc. are allowed during detention. (I guess the Sherpa boy goes to an Amish school.)

3. No food or drinks allowed during detention. (I guess the kid is attending one of those Amish diet boot-camp schools.)

4. Bring something positive to do. It’s a great chance to get in a 1/2 hour of studying. If you do not bring something to do we will supply you with materials to keep you busy. This is not a place to sleep or stare into space for the time you are there. (You’ve already done plenty of that during class, you little delinquent!)

5. Do not be disruptive to others. If you cannot meet the expectations stated above or are otherwise disruptive you will be asked to leave and you will be rescheduled for two detentions. (In the real world, we call that exponential growth.)

6. These are alternatives to the detention room. You can voluntarily do clean up of an area instead of sitting in the detention room. These opportunities are on an as needed basis. Check with Mrs. BLANK, Mr. BLANK, or the Campus Monitors. (We’re hoping somebody will abduct you, and then we can just say you shouldn’t have gotten detention.)